i was doing so well... i was so SO elated. i even wrote a blog post on why i was so happy, and i made a youtube video about it. but alas, all good things must come to an end. it's my anxiety. ever since i started taking supplements for it and i got a prescription for my panic attacks things have been great, more than great in fact, but the past two days is where it all went downhill. i don't want to get into specifics but i was hurt. not directly, it was more of an indirect thing that was somewhat my fault for letting myself become attached. whatever. its over. but i can't help but feel a little upset. it's my dopamine addiction. i need to stop relying so heavily on technology and my phone notifications to pull me back into hapiness, i need my own ways. so in this moment I'm thinking about deleting snapchat again, i cannot be so consumed by other people answering me. it makes me frustrated.
listening to music helps, so does finding new music. youtube doesn't really, not sure why it just sometimes makes me feel gross for wasting my time instead of being productive. however tricking myself into the fact that finding new music is a form of brain food works pretty well. if you're still reading this congradulations. you have surpassed my messy thoughts. and now i want to be clear. am i in a little funk right now? yes. will i let myself be consumed by this and feel sorry for myself? NO. NO NO NO. so there.
but i want to start using my blog more to rant, I'm too restricted by the fact that this blog is very public and sometime next year colleges will be looking at this. but so what. if anything GREAT, now they can see how complex of a person i am and really all I'm trying to do is figure out how i need to live on this early to my absolute fullest extent. I also feel much better now if anyone was wondering, the therapeutic hum that writing brings to my life is extensive.
hopefully, I'm in a better mood next time!