It's been 4 months since I've been on here. I’m somewhat indifferent about how this makes me feel. On one side it makes me upset that I haven’t been as motivated to post on here. But I try not to allow myself to feel like that because once my blog becomes a chore, then it will forever lose the spark it once had. The beauty of this is whenever I feel the need to rant or organize my thoughts I try to write a blog post about it. So the way I see it, is that I’m happy, happy that I now do have the work ethic to write blog posts and that the spark has come back. The past few months have been amazing. Since I’m in school, I was on summer break for most of the time that I wasn’t posting. I traveled a lot and shot some beautiful images, but honestly the best part of my summer was the relationships I made. Not just with the people I had already been close with (although that was amazing too), but with tons of new people. This wasn’t easy I will be honest. I get really bad social anxiety, so it's not really my thing to go up to people and introduce myself. But this summer I made it my thing. Without that confidence I wouldn’t have met half the people I now consider my great friends.
In pulling out this confidence from pretty deep down within me, I can see a dramatic shift in my anxiety. For anyone reading that doesn’t know, I suffer from anxiety and towards the end of the last school year it started to take over my life a little. I would overthink every little thing I would ever do, and doubt myself so extremely. It's as if there are two people on my shoulders controlling my subconscious thoughts. One version of myself that doesn’t care what anyone thinks and just does what makes ‘her’ happy. And another, which I hate to admit but does care what everyone thinks, and is terrified of judgement. But it's become easier to block out the second one, and only have her come into play when necessary. BUT I bring this up because my anxiety is nearly gone. Which is an absolute huge achievement for me and I couldn't have done it without the help of two people in particular. These two people were not only there for me, but they created an outlet for me that allowed me to validate my feelings and feel loved. They changed my life, they really did. SO NOW I am ready to start this up again and see where it takes me. I’ve turned into a bit of an environmentalist, so stay tuned for some nice climate change pieces. All in all i'm back and excited to start writing again!!