it has been a while
to be completely honest I think that blogs have died. everyone wants such instant entertainment that no one takes the time to read a blog, it's not stimulating enough. i disagree. blogs relax me, i enjoy looking into others lives. except i somewhat despise fashion blogs or anything that has to do with materialistic things. it's not that i don't respect what they do, it just doesn't appeal to me.
sure i can be materialistic about cameras but that's really it.
things have been getting sad. i realized when i was in the car with pearl the other day that this october was my last birthday at home. next year i will be with completely new people, hopefully far from home. i say hopefully because i want a change. i need some discomfort, i am way too comfortable right now. i get coffee at the same place every day, i see the same people, i struggle with the same procrastination. i try my best to keep busy because when i am bored i am not a happy camper.
staying busy is hard sometimes. i am in need of new stimulation.
midterms are next week and after that, i will be a second-semester senior. things should get a little more relaxing, maybe my anxiety about school will subside. who knows really. but my goals for the second semester are really to focus on my art and my friends. i try to have a small number of broad goals so i can get my priorities straight. friends and art sound good. i will blog more; it really helps me express my feelings. i will vlog more, and try to stay true to the content that makes me happy. i also want to cherish my friends. as much as i dwell about sometimes not feeling as if i have found "my people" - i need to stop. i have amazing friends, and it is all about realizing who you connect with and not feeling pressure to be friends with people just because it's convenient.
i also need to stop focusing on boys. i get so caught up with being defined by what guys think of me. so frickin stupid. i am lucky though because i am very confident.
so that's my little update. i am going to start working a lot more. i have some shoots lined up soon and i am trying to really build up my brand. get more traction in my town and respect as a photographer/creator. i am sick of being used by older clients who think that since i am 17 they can boss me around.
2018 is the year of "i don't care" - sounds weird but basically, i am just going to stop beating myself up for not being good enough or not liking my own art or not having good enough grades. i am capable. i am talented. let's have some fun